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Not just sandwiched, panini-ed!

Have you ever been panini-ed?  That would be sandwiched between the wants, needs and expectations of your parents and your children -- and then pressured and grilled.  

When it happens, you end up scored with Life Lessons.  Or scarred for life. Scarred for life is what happens when you’re a kid and can’t take better care of yourself when people and events careen out of control.  Scored with Life Lessons is getting to the end of an incredibly tough day and simply being grateful you made it, that you had or found the resources to put one foot in front of the other and do what had to be done.  Scored with Life Lessons is learning to appreciate -- deeply appreciate -- your sisters’ different gifts in dealing with your dad. It is understanding that while you may not have the skill sets to handle everything that comes up, someone else probably does, and sometimes one of your kids will be that someone. It is reveling in joy and beauty at every opportunity and realizing that that which is sad is very sad, but it is neither abnormal nor tragic and you’re not the only one going through it.

We moved our Dad from Florida to Texas, from his condo and independence to an apartment in an assisted living facility these last two weeks.  In the midst of heated negotiations and trips to Florida, doctors, and assorted housing options, we had 48 hours to send our youngest daughter off to Cambodia for three months, and 24 hours the next weekend to begin to get to know our second daughter’s new boyfriend.  These are all huge events - huge -- and I wanted to be part of them.  I actually believed I needed to be part of them.  My husband was concerned I might be consumed, if not crushed by all I felt I had to do for the generations above and below ours.  He's seen me in action before, and was right to worry.  He was also right to voice his concerns, not as one more person demanding something of me (which has been known to happen), but as a sort of mental health coach who helped me take care of myself, too. He made sure I worked out, saw friends, enjoyed my glass of wine before dinner, and attended a stunning performance of Mahler’s Second Symphony.  He loved me back as my love poured out in all those different directions.  He couldn’t turn off the panini press, but he helped me come out of it well-done rather than scorched.  He may be the world's greatest sous-chef!

Have you been panini-ed?  And how have you coped?  Please contribute your experiences and insights in the Comments below.